It's been a while since Steve Martin--or Jon Stewart for that matter--had brown hair. Then again, it's been a while since Britney Spears did either.

I've got this coupon for Quiznos pinned to my board at the office. It stares down at me, mocking me. You see, the problem with me and coupons is that I never seem to be able to use them on time. I clip them--or, as in the case of Quizno's, they accompany my paycheck, since getting a raise may not be foremost in my bipolar boss's mind--put them in my pocketbook, and remember them the week after they expire. Or the year after. Yes, I'm a pack rat, but that's your problem how exactly?

Stop making me digress! Yes, Quizno's. I've only just gotten over the shock n' awe of the mutant rat commercial, so I may one day use the coupon. But it expires on the 14th! I have little time to waste! It's $2 off. $2!! A shiver of anticipation just racked my body. But will I make it? WIll I finally remember to use a coupon before it expires??